Runner-up's Revenge

Hana knew.

She knew that, if she did this, Dowon would come looking for her. That even as she was falling, he would run to save her.

She called Dowon as if calling out to God, believing without a doubt that he would come to save her.

Even as she prayed for Dowon’s happiness, in that same breath, Hana also wished for him to stay with her, never leaving her. She wished for both despite knowing those two things couldn’t coexist.

So Hana decided to set priorities. To see what she could give up.

If Dowon could be by her side forever, that would be great, but if he needed to leave her behind to be happy, could she let him go?

Hana imagined Dowon abandoning her. This automatically led to envisioning Dahye standing beside Dowon. Hana pictured Dahye and Dowon living a healthy life and thriving as a happy couple, while she was left behind.

That’s the right choice.

She knew it was the right choice. That’s why it made her even angrier.

She tried to picture what she would be doing while Dowon and Dahye were living their charmed lives. It was easier to imagine herself left alone than Dowon being happy.

Because that’s how it was now. No imagination was needed. Hana just had to lift her head and look at herself.

She imagined herself unable to endure this lonely state, dying in the cold, her body rotting away with no one to come find her.

To Hana, all of this felt like an imminent reality.

I don’t want that.

She didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t want to decompose and become a skeleton because no one noticed she was gone. Hana was already painfully lonely. She didn’t want to lose anything more than she already had.

Hana only wanted Dowon by her side, so why was the universe trying to take even this away? Why was the world trying to prevent her, someone who had lost all happiness and possessions, from desiring just one thing?

Because I’m a selfish bitch.

The world had chosen Dowon, not Hana. It seemed that life, too, pitied Dowon so much that it was trying to separate him from someone as selfish as Hana. But Hana had no intention of being swayed by such a ridiculous truth.

Why can’t I be selfish? Everyone else is. It’s human nature.

In the name of hunger, people tear into the flesh of animals. In the name of luxury, people skin them and hammer their hides. In the name of pleasure, people chop down the trees, leaving millions of animals homeless. In the name of safety, people carefully apply mascara to animal eyelashes. That was humanity.

If the majority of people said it was wrong, the world would have changed.

We all know these actions are selfish. We just choose to bury our heads in the sand rather than see it.

Everyone is selfish and desires their own happiness over others’. Whether it is normal or not, it’s an innate behavior.

So why, then, should only Hana not be allowed to do the same?

Hana didn’t want to lose Dowon, the only thing she had. Dowon was Hana’s only resource, her jewel, her joy, her everything.

So you shouldn’t do it.

Dowon knew this painfully well. Despite going through agonizing times together, despite knowing Hana had only him, he still kept trying to escape from her house.

Even though Hana knew that Dowon was focused solely on her, he was still shaken by Dahye. Even while he was holding her hand, he was secretly wishing it was Dahye’s.

This was Dowon’s fault and problem. Apart from Dowon’s selfishness, if he knew what state Hana was in, he shouldn’t have left her like he did.

After saying he loved her, he was looking at someone else, knowing how much it would hurt Hana to face it. How much it would hurt Hana, the person had always been by his side when he was struggling.

How could he betray the fate that tied them together?

Why are you trying to take him away from me?

There was a lot to confront Dahye about, too. Hana couldn’t understand why someone like Dahye, who had everything, was trying to take away the only thing Hana had. This wasn’t just selfishness. Dahye was clearly trying to steal Dowon for her own enjoyment.

Of course, it wasn’t because Dahye was desperate. She had never lost everything. She had never hinged her life on just one person, like Hana had with Dowon.

For fun, for pleasure, but not necessity. Whenever Hana thought of Dahye, she felt rage and jealousy rising within her.

“…Dowon, you’re too late.”

Hana slammed the mental door shut on her thoughts and just allowed herself to feel the fluttering wind. She looked down at the dark, empty street below her feet.

What if he didn’t come? Her persistent thoughts kept nudging Hana’s back, trying to convince her to fall to the ground. What if Dowon actually wanted Hana to die? What if he thought that, finally, there was one less annoying thing in his life?

But before that thought could send Hana into a spiral, she looked down past her feet and smiled.

“Hana Baek!”

Dowon’s terrified voice was filling the empty street.

***

Hana was absolutely fine. She was just looking down at the lamp-lit street as if she had come out to enjoy the night air.. Other than her hair being a bit disheveled by the wind, Hana actually looked like she was in a good mood as she came down the stairs to meet him. She paused a few steps up.

She never intended to die from the start.

Dowon unconsciously clenched his fists. Uneasiness began to thread its way through his mind. He knew he shouldn’t blame Hana for his reaction. Hana sliced her thighs and arms open often enough that the scars would likely never fade. She had told him she wanted to die more times than he could count.

But this was a time when he could have worked things out with Dahye. At last, a shot at making amends for his behavior all those years ago. To say the least, Hana’s timing was inconvenient.

“Hana…”

Hana said nothing and just stared at Dowon. She was likely busy savoring the sight of him, knowing he abandoned Dahye and rushed here for her.

“Hana.”

Hana waited for him to find the words. Surely, she thought he would say something nice. She was probably thinking his expression was distorted with worry about losing her.

However, this time, that was not the case. Tonight, Dowon was irritated.

“Don’t ever do this again.”

Hana blinked.

“I understand you’re struggling, but we can’t keep doing this. I have my own life, and you have yours. You know this is wrong, right?”

Hana’s lips parted by no sound emerged. Her eyes seemed to be wavering slightly, but in the dim streetlights and his current state of anxiety clashing with frustration, Dowon didn’t have time to address it.

“Let’s say this incident with Dahye was fine. You don’t like Dahye, right? Of course, neither do I. But what if it was someone else? Are you going to keep threatening things like this in the future? I want to work hard at my job and social life and keep my relationship with you. But if you keep intentionally threatening me to get me to come save you, that’s obviously not okay, right?”

Dowon took a deep breath to steady himself.

“Intentionally?” Hana said in a low voice. “You think I did this intentionally?”

Hana’s hair fluttered in the wind, the strands covering her face. It was impossible to analyze her expression as she spoke.

“I really wanted to die, Dowon. I would have jumped immediately if someone told me to. But I wanted to see you before the end. I felt so sorry for what I’ve put you through. I needed to tell you before I was gone. That’s why I called.”

As Hana rambled, her reddened eyes became visible through her hair. “But how could you react this way? A normal person would be worried first. Aren’t you worried about me? Am I an obstacle in your life’s path? Am I just a burden to you?”

Hana suddenly flew down the last few steps and grabbed Dowon’s wrist. “Tell me. Don’t sugarcoat anything. Am I annoying? Is that it? Have you lost feelings for me?”

Dowon frowned for a moment, then let his face relax as he took Hana’s hand.

“No, that’s not it.”

Hana glared at Dowon. “Then why did you say all those things to me? Is it because of Dahye? You like Dahye, don’t you?”

Dowon would have laughed if the situation were less serious. “That’s impossible.”

He stepped back, gently disentangling himself from Hana’s grasp, and rubbed his forehead. A deep sigh tumbled from his mouth. Hana’s thought process was spiraling into strange places.

“What if I hadn’t called you?” Hana snapped. “No, what if you were too busy having fun with Dahye to see my message in time? I wouldn’t be here, Dowon, isn’t that scary? You’re okay with that? Are you okay with me disappearing?”

“Hana, please.”

“Dowon, answer me. Did you actually hope I would disappear? Were you annoyed the whole way here?”

“No, of course not. You’re precious to me—”

“Lies. It’s all lies,” she snarled. “If that were true, you wouldn’t have left me in the first place.”

Dowon was beginning to wonder if he really was lying now. Hadn’t he begrudgingly rushed to Hana’s side? Didn’t he feel uncomfortable and anxious when he realized that Hana was perfectly fine, and wondered why she was doing this again?

No, he couldn’t think that way about Hana. But the doubts kept niggling in his ear.

Even though part of his mind was focused on worrying about Hana, another part whispered that he needed to call Dahye. The image of her, left alone at the bar without explanation, kept circling in his head.

He needed to explain himself to Dahye, whether something happened or not, or that he was sorry for leaving in such a rush.

“Hana, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Let’s go home first, okay? I’ll call a taxi.”

The taxi app had a car before them within moments.

“You called for a ride, right?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

Dowon climbed into the taxi, holding onto Hana, who kept angrily questioning his sincerity. Once in the car, exhaustion seemed to overtake Hana and her interrogation softened to muttering as she looked out the window.

Dowon leaned back in his seat for a moment to catch his breath. Then he picked up his phone to text Dahye.

“What are you doing?” Hana asked instantly.

Dowon paused.

Hana’s face was eerily calm in the dim light of the vehicle.

“I’m just going to send one text to Dahye. To say I’m with you.”

“No.”

Hana gripped both of Dowon’s hands. When Dowon tried to pull away, Hana peppered the back of his hands with small kisses.

“If you contact her, I’ll jump out of this car,” she murmured, her breath ghosting over his skin.

Dowon looked at the top of Hana’s head as her mouth continued to move across his hands. He felt suffocated.

***

The phone didn’t ring.

Neither the expected call nor text came.

“…Shit, come on.”

Dahye sighed as she carelessly brushed aside her bangs after dismissing a spam message.

“If you leave like that, you should at least let me know what happened afterward.”

Dowon had rushed out in a panic, as if something urgent had come up, but hadn’t sent a single message since then. Dahye worried about Dowon at first. How bad could it have been for him to leave so suddenly?

But as time passed, and Dowon’s explanation didn’t arrive, worry transformed into anger. The image of herself left alone at their table became clearer than the sight of Dowon’s back as he bolted out the door.

“I should just sleep for now.”

Dahye eventually went home and fell asleep waiting for Dowon. She thought an apology would come the next day.

But when the next day came…

“You bastard! I forgave you and now you run away?!”

There was still nothing from Dowon. Dahye sat in a chair, her leg bouncing uncontrollably, glaring at her phone screen.

“So, all relationships except the one with Hana are unnecessary, is that it?”