Runner-up's Revenge

She should not be doing this.

Dahye stared at her, lips parted slightly. “What?”

Hana understood perfectly well that doing this in Dowon’s absence was wrong. What she was doing would not help him. There was no gray area for her to hide in. She couldn’t pretend that her actions were a misguided effort to rescue Dowon. The help Dahye had offered him was something Hana couldn’t give him. She knew all of these things.

Hana muttered to herself, tone taking on a frantic cadence, whispering that she shouldn’t be doing this, that she shouldn’t push Dahye. Yet, she did not take her words back, nor did she apologize. She simply waited for the other woman’s response. Dahye, completely bewildered, was still gaping at Hana.

“What’s so wrong with what I’m doing?” Dahye finally protested. Her wide eyes almost looked disbelieving, like she didn’t know that her treatment of Dowon was wrong. “It’s not like I’m extorting Dowon for extra cash. I helped him; what’s wrong with that?”

Hana’s gaze wavered, and a pink flush crept into her cheeks.

It was true. Dahye was helping Dowon. Not only did she loan him the money, but she wasn’t even accepting interest. Rather, she was accepting phone calls as currency. Even if the calls were hard on Dowon, Hana couldn’t deny that Dahye was performing an act of kindness.

But Hana wasn’t angry about the loan. She wasn’t angry that Dahye spent hours of her day messing with Dowon and making him miserable, while offloading all her rage and stress. No, Hana was just irritated by Dahye’s very existence.

You have feelings for Dowon, don’t you?

In truth, she couldn’t know what Dahye was feeling. The anxiety Hana was wrestling with now was just her illness whispering in her ear. No matter how aware she was of that fact, she couldn’t stop her brain from imagining Dahye with Dowon in the future.

What if they began dating? Dahye could help Dowon in so many other ways if they were together: material wealth, mental health, career support, anything. Hana pictured Dahye, pretty and capable, stretching out her hand and pulling Dowon from rock bottom while she looked on from below.

She thought of Dowon and Dahye building a healthy relationship, with a foundation of shared support and complementary strengths. Not the twisted relationship he suffered now, having his skin raked by manic nails, gathering trash bags from the apartment floor, and trying his best to ease endless tears. A relationship where Dowon could enter a stable career and spend pleasant days with Dahye.

Then am I not helpful to him? Is she saying I’m not good for him?

Wasn’t Dahye’s claim that she was just helping Dowon tantamount to saying, “Hana, you do nothing to help Dowon”?

Are you saying I’m useless to him?

Hana’s hands trembled. She needed to take her medication. If she didn’t take it now, she felt like she might lose consciousness again while her body wreaked havoc on everyone around her.

But the urge to strangle Dahye slipped in just ahead of her rational thoughts.

Am I… not helpful?

She was furious. A wave of rage choked Hana’s throat, boiling up and threatening to scald her tongue. It wasn’t that light, petty emotion of “How dare you touch Dowon?” Deep at the root of her anger was a seed of jealousy. Dahye’s mental stability, that confidence stemming from having gotten everything she wanted in life, her good job, pretty face, and self-assured personality.

Hana knew. She knew these thoughts wouldn’t help Dowon. It was better to admit it outright. Dowon deserved to be happy. If Dowon was happy, then Hana should be happy too. Of course she wished for Dowon’s happiness.

But everyone is selfish at their core, and altruistic thoughts evaporate with far too much ease.

Hana felt as though the fury directed at Dahye was going to make her snap, the woman who was the opposite of Hana in every way. Someone who could be useful to Dowon. Someone who could lead Dowon forward in life rather than dragging him to the bottom. Someone who could guide Dowon to a healthy future without holding him back.

Someone completely different from me. If I’m the shadow, Dahye is the light.

It shouldn’t be me.

Dahye.

“You know about my relationship with Dowon, don’t you?” Hana’s mouth seemed to move of its own accord. “You’ve been talking like you knew all along.”

Dahye looked nonplussed. “Huh?”

“How can you confidently say you’re not in the wrong when you know?”

Hana’s brows lowered, her voice sharp and accusing.

“You know how much Dowon hates it when you call, don’t you?”

Hana continued calmly but quickly, not permitting Dahye a response.

“You don’t know how sorry Dowon feels every time he has to pick up a call from you, how guilty he feels for making me wait, how anxious he is, knowing this weird relationship he has with you isn’t healthy, but being unable to break it off.”

Hana’s tone was placid and gentle, a stark contrast to her words. However, Dahye flinched like she felt each word like a stone. She took a deep breath, looking flustered as she tried to find the words to answer. Just then, Dowon reappeared in the restaurant’s doorway with impeccable timing.

“I bought these—” Dowon paused as he approached the table. “What were you talking about?”

Hana just shook her head, lips pressed tightly together.

“It’s nothing. Thanks for buying them.”

Dahye’s face was pale as she received her hangover remedy.

***

After parting ways with Hana and Dowon, Dahye couldn’t bring herself to go back home. She sat in a convenience store, looking at the hangover cure Dowon bought her, and listening to Hana’s words echo through her mind.

She’s completely right, but…

Dahye contemplated the unlikely pairing of Dowon and Hana. Though neither of them said it, they seemed to be a step beyond merely dating. Even without defining their relationship in words, anyone looking in from the outside could see it. Dahye was all too aware of this fact.

I still called him, even though I knew.

Hadn’t she realized that calling anyway was essentially throwing a rock through the window of Hana and Dowon’s relationship?

I knew.

Despite everything, Dahye ignored it and kept calling Dowon. She called, even when she figured Hana would be right next to Dowon when he answered the phone, because she wondered how he would explain it to Hana. Would he apologize to her? Would he lie and say it was nothing?

I used to think I wanted them to break up.

But it wasn’t because she wanted Dowon for herself, of course. It was because she felt sorry for Hana. Dahye wanted to save Hana, and she found Dowon, who was loved by such a wonderful person, annoying and detestable, so she thought it would be best if they broke up. Regardless of the intention, it must have been awful for both of them. A woman who wanted them to break up was deliberately calling every day, trying to sow seeds of discord in their relationship.

“No, fuck, but is any of this even my fault?!”

Dahye slammed her fist on the convenience store table. A man who had been approaching to talk to Dahye flinched in surprise and turned right around to leave.

“I lent him money without interest!”

She almost buried her face in the convenience store table with a groan but stopped. God only knew what was splattered across that surface. Instead, Dahye leaned back in the plastic chair and thought.

“…It wouldn’t be much anyway…”

According to Hana, Dowon was struggling every day, unable to sleep and trembling with anxiety, all because of the calls from her. The interest on three million won wasn’t that much money for such a difficult task.

A message notification popped up with a little dinging sound. Thinking it was nothing special, Dahye casually picked up her phone to check, then nearly slipped off the plastic chair in surprise.

Hana Baek: I’m sorry about today, Dahye. I was out of line… I’m really sorry

Had she arrived home already? As Dahye was staring down at her phone screen, contemplating whether or not to reply, another message from Hana arrived.

Hana Baek: How about calling me if you have any problems? I’m a really good listener. I’ll listen instead of Dowon from now on, just call me whenever you want.

Even though she’d apologized, Hana clearly was still trying to find a way to free Dowon from his relationship with Dahye. If Dowon was having such a hard time with it, and if Hana was interested in listening, maybe it would be better that way.

Dahye imagined calling Hana to pour out her troubles. She needed someone she felt free to vent to, someone who would listen without complaint. That was the only reason she had begun calling Dowon. She didn’t have a single friend to complain to about work, family, and friends like others did, so she felt suffocated, that was all.

But Dahye didn’t feel the urge to call Hana. Unlike when she called Dowon, her lips didn’t automatically curl up at the thought of getting everything off her chest.

Dahye hadn’t called because she wanted to vent.

She just wanted to talk to Dowon.

“…Ah, shit…”

The sudden realization set her head spinning. Dahye pressed her palms to her forehead. It wasn’t because of the alcohol; it was memories of times with Dowon that kept lingering in her mind.

“Was it really… that hard to listen to me?”

Beyond the fact that she almost ruined Dowon and Hana’s relationship, the thought that Dowon found their phone calls exhausting kept gnawing at her mind.

“Of course, I’d struggle too. I wouldn’t want to get calls like that either.”

She knew. She didn’t think Dowon would like playing the role of an emotional punching bag. The name itself was “emotional punching bag” to begin with. Why would anyone want to deal with that? But she still couldn’t understand why she felt so uneasy and upset.

A frustrated sigh tumbled from her lips.

Dahye buried her face in her cold fingertips. She was too upset to go home.

***

“Dowon, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

The atmosphere at the beer place had been fine, other than the uncomfortable silence he’d been greeted with upon his return. Dowon had wondered if something had happened while he was at the nearby convenience store, but the silence had quickly been broken. Maybe they felt awkward being left alone together. Dowon deliberately forced himself into a happy train of thought, trying to believe that everything was just fine. However, it clearly wasn’t.

“Did something happen while I was gone?” he asked cautiously.

“I ruined things between you and Dahye… I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry…”

Dowon had no idea what was happening. Ever since they’d arrived at Hana’s place, Hana had been apologizing to Dowon—it must have been dozens of times now—saying she had ruined things between Dahye and Dowon.

There was nothing left to ruin between Dahye and Dowon. Their relationship had been messed up from the start. Dowon couldn’t fathom anything Hana would have to apologize for. The vibe had been pretty good, from his perspective, and Hana had smiled occasionally. So he thought everything was fine.

“Hana, you don’t need to apologize. Everything’s okay.”

“I did something wrong… I’m the problem, Dowon. I…”

“No, Hana, seriously, everything is fine. What kind of relationship do you think Dahye and I have that makes you think could possibly ruin it? I only care about you.”

“No, don’t say that…”

“You know she and I are really nothing. I only have you.”

Every time Dowon told her that, Hana dropped her head, guilt written all over her face. As he continued to try to comfort Hana, Dowon’s phone rang.

Hana automatically reached out her hand to check his phone.

Dahye Yoon: (Gift card)

Dahye Yoon: Have lunch with Hana

It was a KFC gift card. Dowon was confused why she had randomly sent it, but he took the phone from Hana and sent a quick thank you message anyway.

When he turned his gaze back to comfort Hana again, Hana was sitting still like a broken doll.

“Hana?”

“Mmm.”

Hana, seeming lost in thought, was staring intently at the phone screen.

What on earth happened…

Dowon couldn’t tell if Hana’s current state was the usual lethargy from not taking her medication, or if something really had happened during the time he was buying the hangover remedies. Anxiety prickled his scalp

Dowon could do nothing but turn off the screen that Hana was staring at, making it go black.