In a World without God

Faith is like a wheel to the Goddess Lutea. Those who believe can always find her in the darkness without a spark of light. Those who do not believe cannot grasp her hand even when she holds it out to them.

This was Kurzina’s favorite scripture verse. Since she was a little girl, Kurzina had dreamed of meeting the Goddess Lutea. She thought that if she kept her faith, it would surely happen.

But then Kurzina had met Ed. After their brief encounter, she had run away, as if chased by a demon, back to her bedroom. She dived back into her bed and lay shivering under the covers, her heart beating faster and faster in her chest.

An enormous sense of unease engulfed Kurzina. Her faith and the world as she knew it were shaken.

Lutea, Abramelin, and Tasser; Kurzina remembered clearly what the saints of history said and how they behaved. Every night, she read the stories with excitement. Now she had questions she’d never contemplated before.

Is that child a saint? she thought to herself as she replayed her conversation with Ed.

Ed had the power of a saint and spoke like a saint.

If he is a saint, then the witch Ygraine is…

Kurzina couldn’t stop her thoughts from running wild. They swirled around a conclusion she shouldn’t have reached.

No. That doesn’t make sense.

Kurzina shook her head. If what she was thinking was true, then most of what the world knew was false. It’s unreal. It was more realistic to believe that Ed had tricked Kurzina. As her father said, Ed deceived her by pretending to be a saint!

But even with this knowledge, Kurzina was not at ease. Ed’s expression, his words, and his actions continued to haunt her:

“A child swallowed up by lies is a child unaware of miracles.”

Despite her whirring mind, Kurzina finally drifted off to sleep. When she awoke the next day, she wasted no time seeking out the study hall, a combination of a library and training room, where the children of the House of Saints gathered almost daily.

Kurzina arrived early to a mostly empty hall; there was only one other person around.

“You’re here early?”

Raghad greeted her. He was the oldest direct descendant of the hero Bosha. He was tall and sharp-featured, and he looked exactly like the statue of Bosha. Some people even said he was the hero’s reincarnation.

Though she didn’t think of him as a reincarnation of the hero, Kurzina was inclined to believe in Raghad. He was straightforward and steadfast compared to his peers. For her, Raghad was almost the only person she could talk to openly.

Kurzina decided to share with Raghad her encounter with Ed and the puzzling questions it had left her with, though she left out the part about Ed’s wound healing on its own. Raghad listened to her with pursed lips.

“Zina, you’re usually so smart, but sometimes you can be so blind. It’s obvious that the witch’s descendent has possessed you.”

“How can my cousin be so sure?”

“It’s simple. A saint is someone who embodies the physical form of the Goddess Lutea. But Lutea is currently in Trisis, right? So, how could there be another saint?”

That’s right, thought Kurzina.

According to records, the Goddess Lutea descended to the mortal realm fifty years ago to set things right. She took on human form and currently ruled Astania alongside the King from Trisis. As such, it is the highest honor to be awarded first place in the Festival of Saints.

“Let’s stop thinking and start training,” Raghad said to Kurzina and grinned, pointing to the training section of the study hall.

“Sure,” Kurzina grinned back at him and picked up her staff. They were just about to head to the training area when another voice spoke up in the hall.

“There could be another possibility.”

Kurzina and Raghad turned toward the sound of the voice. A boy with slicked-back hair poked his head through a bookcase. Raghad saw him and laughed.

“Ishkur! Is that you?”

The boy called Ishkur continued.

“If the Lutea in the castle is a fake, then that explains it, right?”

Raghad scowled.

“That’s blasphemy! Watch your tongue! If the adults find out, you’ll be in solitary confinement again!”

“Then you and Zina need to keep your mouths shut. Zina, what do you think? Is the Lutea in Trisis a fake?”

Ishkur’s words made Kurzina shake her head, but she did not respond confidently to Ishkur’s question.

***

Ed was having trouble with Ygraine’s Magick. It healed Ed, unbound by the magic stone that prevented him from using his own Magick, but Ed could not control it and so had been unable to free himself from his bonds. Hard as he tried, the White Magick had a mind completely independent from Ed.

Just like Ygraine. She never listened to Bosha, always pretending she never heard him and rushing off to act as she pleased!

Ed had spent days and nights trying to gain some control over Ygraine’s Magick. He tried to make it move a little and finally managed a tiny slither of success. He’d made it move just a fraction, a thin, short thread that would barely fit through the head of a needle. With this small success under his belt, Ed decided to try and get some sleep.

Despite the order to keep him alive until the Festival of Saints, no one was interested in Ed anymore, which was just as well. All of his wounds had fully healed except for his hands and feet, which stakes had pierced to nail him to the crucifix. His shaggy clothes and loosely wrapped bandages made it hard to tell that he had completely healed unless someone looked too closely, so Ed was thankful that wasn’t happening.

The only person who’d even gotten close to Ed in days was the young girl from a couple of days ago. Ed was still dozing when he heard a voice call out to him.

“It’s you! The one who broke the gates of the hated Le Fay family!”

Ed slowly opened his eyes and looked down but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from.

“I like it! It’s about time someone took them down a peg.”

Ed’s brow creased in confusion, and he still couldn’t see where the voice came from.

“Who are you?” he asked, looking around. “Where are you?”

“I am Aruru, a field mouse and a descendant of the witch. I’ve come to take revenge on the children of Bosha!”

Ed squinted and scanned the ground below his feet. Finally, he saw it: a brown ball of fair was standing on its two back legs and shouting up at him. It was a large mouse, but still no bigger than Ed’s palm. Its short pink tail was longer than his little finger.

“Revenge? What are you talking about?”

“They killed my mother!” Aruru the mouse shouted. “They accused her of gnawing on a spellbook and killed her!”

“What? Why would the descendants of Bosha bother themselves with a mouse?”

“You’ll be surprised to hear what I’ve discovered! The Lautou displayed at the Memorial of the Holy War is not the real Lautou. It’s someone else! The real Lautou is the queen of the spiders, a servant of the witch Ygraine. My mother was murdered because she befriended the spiders and worshiped Lautou. The kingdom is hunting down anyone who recognizes Lautou in her spider form and killing them!”

Ed was surprised. Aruru was telling the truth. For the first time in history, Ed had met someone who knew the truth—no, not a human, but a field mouse.

“Are you too stunned to speak, or do you think I’m delusional and talking nonsense?” asked Aruru.

“No. I believe you are telling the truth.”

Aruru sprung forward and began to climb the crucifix. He scrambled to Ed’s shoulder until he was close to his ear. He leaned in and whispered conspiratorially.

“You’re the one who sees the light! Good! I’ll gnaw through the wood to get the magic stone off! I’ll sneak into the storeroom and steal a sword, and you can run out into the square and kill as many people as possible. If you can break down the gates, you can kill many people!”

“What?” asked Ed.

“It’s a lowly life for you and me! Let’s have a big fight before our fire is extinguished. I’ll gnaw their ankles and make them stumble, and you’ll drive your sword into their backs!”

Aruru’s voice was familiar to Ed, but he couldn’t place it.

“Are you afraid, descendant of the witch?” Aruru continued. “Can you forgive them for laughing? Can you forgive them for sleeping easily? Those who pushed us into the pit deserve to burn in hell!”

It dawned on Ed where he knew this voice and how Aruru was talking—it was the Bosha of the past, reincarnated as a field mouse.

Bosha hated the smiles on people’s faces. He hated children walking with their parents. He hated the flesh-and-blood lovers. He wanted them all to be unhappy, and he had made them unhappy.

Before he met Ygrainne, Bosha was unhappy. He didn’t even realize he was unhappy.

Ed wondered what the Bosha of the past would have done. Would he have shared Aruru’s hatred and wielded his sword, or would he have walked away when Aruru gnawed on the magic stone? But now, Ed’s mind was still on Ygraine and her words:

“Captain Bosha is not a man driven by hatred.”

Despite these words, Ed knew he could not ignore Bosha’s voice. He needed to find strength in his resolve to survive.

“Hey, rat,” he said.

“Who are you calling rat?! My name is Aruru!”

“I have a better idea than us going around and killing random people.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?

“I’m going to beat everyone at the Festival of Saints, and then I will find proof that your mother is innocent. Because no one can do anything to the one awarded first place in the Festival!”

“You say you beat up those six people? That’s impossible!” Aruru shook his head.

“You don’t believe me?”

Aruru quivered on Ed’s shoulder, which he took as a no. Ed smirked.

“I have Ygraine’s blood in my veins, and as proof, my Magick is not bound by magic stones. Behold, I have healed my wounds by manipulating Ygraine’s Magick without their knowledge,” Ed smirked.

“No! It can’t be…” Aruru let out a soft gasp and climbed down Ed’s body to examine his wounds. “How did you…? But then, why are you still here?”

“I’m waiting for the right time. I plan to continue my preparations quietly until the Festival, and then I will crush them there.”

“You must be something special!”

“Yes,” said Ed. “That’s why you mustn’t remove the magic stone, not yet. You just need to wait patiently until the Festival of Saints.”

“Oh! I see, I see, I see!” Aruru jumped up and down around his friend. “My mother’s innocence! My mother’s innocence! I’ll do anything for it! What can I do?”

“What can you do?”

“Surely, you must be hungry, and water-soaked bread will not suffice! I know a good trash can, and good-quality meat is often thrown there.”

Before Ed could reply, Aruru scuttled away. Ed watched Aruru’s back as he scampered into the distance and smiled.

Ed knew that if Aruru had gnawed away at the magic stone, it would have left obvious teeth marks. If the people saw this, they would quickly realize a rodent had done it. The Le Fay family would have wasted no time ordering a mass extermination of all rats and mice. Aruru would never be safe, and that was why Ed insisted that the mouse leave the stone alone. Ed knew it was not something the old Bosha would have done, but he didn’t feel bad about it. He remembered another conversation he’d had with Ygraine in his past life as Bosha:

“Well done, that’s who you really are.”

“You’re funny. I did what you told me to do because you nagged me, so how can that be me?”

“It’s unmistakably you. After all, you’re the one who decided to do as I said.”

***

“Cousin Raghad, Cousin Zina, let me show you something fun!” said Yug.

Yug was the youngest of the six participating in this Festival. He was always up to something with his brothers and sisters. Most of the time, it was something childish and cruel, like using a magnifying glass to burn ants or knocking down a beehive, so Kurzina didn’t usually like to hang out with him.

Nevertheless, Kurzina and Raghad often found themselves around Yug. Because of his troublesome disposition, Yug had grown up very lonely. He was also the weakest of the Bosha bloodline, and even his parents paid little attention to him.

“Just a moment, then we’ll all go to the chamber of learning,” Raghad said, and Kurzina followed. Yug was carrying a small pouch that he excitedly twirled around by the string. Kurzina, staring at it absentmindedly, figured out where Yug was heading.

“Yug! We can’t go that way!”

He was headed toward the square where Ed was hanging. The square was now off-limits, and no one except the couriers who had brought water and bread to Edulis were allowed to enter.

“It’s okay,” said Raghad. “No one’s watching.”

“Yug, the witch’s offspring must live until All Saint’s Day,” said Kurzina, eyeing the pouch. Yug continued to twirl about. “No harm must come to him.”

“I know! I’m not going to do anything,” Yug turned to them and grinned, wiggling his eyebrows as if to say, ‘Come on, I have a funny idea.’ Kurzina looked at Raghad, who shrugged. They gave in and followed Yug towards the square.

As they approached where Ed was still suspended, nailed to the crucifix, Kurzina noticed that his head was lowered and his eyes closed tightly shut.

Is he dead? she wondered.

“Hey! Descendant of the witch,” Yug shouted at Ed. “Look at this!”

Yug twisted open the pouch and removed the contents. Kurzina finally saw what it was and cried out in horror.

“Yug! No! That’s…”

“Ha! Are you surprised? I caught it rummaging through our trash. It was running off with a piece of meat, and I snuck up behind it! Where do you think it was going with that meat, hm?”

Raghad scolded Yug.

“Yug, this isn’t funny.”

“Not funny? It’s hilarious! I’ve caught a mouse who seems to be friends with the spawn of a witch!” Yug laughed loudly, utterly unaware of the look Ed was giving him.

“Look! Descendant of the witch, look what your friend has become!”

Yug held the bloodied Aruru high for Ed to see.

Something whooshed through the air. It was so fast and stealthy that none of them could see what it was until it was too late.

“What the…?”

Yug looked down at his feet. His arm was wriggling on the ground, still holding the small pouch. Yug suddenly realized the emptiness at his right shoulder. On the ground, a thick pool of crimson liquid was forming. It took a moment for the reality to hit Yug, and then he started screaming.

Kurzina looked up at the crucifix to where Ed should have been.

There was no one there.