Hexed Intention

Building relationships with others is always difficult. Actually, it might be more accurate to say it’s scary. Usually, the other person doesn’t like you as much as you like them. It always hurts when you realize that disparity.

When Yoonmin was in second grade, he had a similar experience. He’d been a social reject then too, but by chance, he hit it off with a classmate. The boy’s name was Minseok Kim, and Yoonmin found out that Minseok played the same game as him.

“You have a Ballista? Really? What’s the attack speed?

After excitedly chatting about the game, Minseok said, “Hey, do you want to come over to my house this Saturday? My house will be empty. Come and show me your Ballista.”

“Let’s meet in front of Office Depot around 9 in the morning.”

Yoonmin thought he had made his first real friend. It was also his first time being invited to a friend’s house. He even decided to give his Ballista to Minseok.

But maybe because he didn’t have a phone, or perhaps because he lacked social awareness, Minseok only talked to Yoonmin with enthusiasm that one time. Evidently, Minseok was the type to casually throw out invitations like “Let’s do this!” without much thought. But Yoonmin, overly excited at the prospect of having a friend, took the offer at face value.

He waited in front of Office Depot from 9 to 10, but Minseok never showed up. On Monday, Yoonmin found out that Minseok had gone bike riding with other friends that day.

Yoonmin didn’t say anything to Minseok.

He felt so embarrassed for believing in a throwaway promise. Knowing he wasn’t part of Minseok’s friend group, and probably never would be, he went home and cried for a long time.

***

Yoonmin didn’t easily consider someone a friend. Especially if that person was a notorious street fighter whose claim to fame was beating up five people with a wooden sword at the same time.

I need to be careful not to get too close… That was what he’d initially thought, but it seemed that Minsu had a slightly different idea. As soon as Minsu entered the classroom, he walked straight over to Yoonmin.

“Yo, Yoonmin. Did you get home okay last night?”

Leaning down, he whispered, “So… That girl last night, she’s your real girlfriend, right?”

“…No.”

“No? Not even her? Damn… Yoonmin, you’re insane.”

Yoonmin had no idea how to respond to that.

Since yesterday, Minsu had started acting very friendly with Yoonmin. While a small part of Yoonmin felt a bit proud that he was on speaking terms with the infamous Minsu Kwon, someone all the other students feared, the burgeoning friendship made him a little uncomfortable.

It seemed Jiyoo felt the same way. Yesterday, when Minsu met Jiyoo for the first time, he became very enthusiastic.

“How are you this skinny?!” he demanded.

He piled a mountain of meat onto Jiyoo’s plate.

“I can’t... eat any more...” she groaned.

“Eat! You’ve gotta eat if you want to grow! Excuse me, one more bowl of cold noodles over here!”

“No… Please…”

That night, Minsu didn’t seem like a street fighter anymore. Instead, he became one of those countryside grandmothers that believed filling everyone with food was their life’s purpose. First thing this morning, Jiyoo had sent Yoonmin a message:

Jiyoo Im: Why did he do that to me? I’m still so full, I’m never gonna eat again.

Yoonmin couldn’t help but chuckle. It felt strange. It had been so long since he’d felt joy because of someone other than Haein or Jiyoo.

Come to think of it, yesterday’s time with Minsu and Jiyoo was surprisingly enjoyable. Minsu seemed like a better person than Yoonmin had originally thought. Well, at least he felt that way at the time. Who knew what Minsu was really like or what he truly thought of Yoonmin?

In his mind, that enjoyment felt light and fleeting, almost meaningless.

Yes, that attitude—that had always been the problem. Yoonmin always assumed that other people had hidden intentions he was too naive to see. But even if they did, so what? Friends didn’t have to reveal every thought and feeling, did they?

Yoonmin could casually chat about the YouTube video he watched yesterday, the latest memes, homework, school life, and dating, just like everyone else.

“These gummies, you made them yourself, Haein?”

“You can make gummies at home?”

“They’re seriously so good.”

And just like that, his thoughts came full circle, back to Haein Ju. Haein had brought snacks again. Lately, she’d been bringing something homemade every day. Did she want to impress her friends? Had she given up on repairing her relationship with Yoonmin and decided to focus on her existing friendships instead? Then what was the point of volunteering to clean behind the snack bar when it was supposed to be Yoonmin’s job?

Yoonmin thought back to the time when they were in 8th grade, when he spent every day with Haein. Back then, he was genuinely happy, all the time. He thought he knew everything about Haein. He thought he had shown everything of himself to her. In that crowded classroom, he believed it was wonderful that they could be happy just by being together. He even felt like he was enjoying some kind of privilege.

Look at me. You guys need to laugh and talk to have fun, but we’re happy just being near each other.

But what Haein wanted was different from what Yoonmin wanted. Yoonmin didn’t know everything about Haein. He was the only one who could enjoy being together without laughing or talking, not her.

I need to ignore this.

Yoonmin lowered his head. His mind was in turmoil. Just a few days ago, he wasn’t like this. He thought he had calmed his anger toward Haein. He thought he was tired of her. He thought he could forgive her and move on.

So why… Why was he feeling so torn up again?

Haein was laughing at some joke he hadn’t heard. Just a few days ago, she had been awkward with her friends, unable to fully participate in conversations. But now, she seemed to have completely changed her mindset. She was socializing as if she’d been doing it her whole life.

She had said she didn’t need any of it. She had said she wanted to give it all up just to be together with Yoonmin. Was that just a momentary whim? What was she thinking now? Was she regretting messing with Yoonmin? Was she thinking that this was the right thing to do? That her current friends were much better than Yoonmin?

Yoonmin grabbed his head. Why was he even thinking about this? Didn’t he say they should each live their own lives? And wasn’t that what was happening now? So why…

No. He had to be honest with himself. Yoonmin never really wanted Haein to be content on her own. Not even a fragment of his heart held that desire. He wanted Haein to keep clinging to him. He wanted her to keep regretting, realizing that being with him was the best thing that had ever happened to her. It was only when Haein looked lost without him that his heart softened.

Right now, Yoonmin wasn’t okay. It felt like there was a hole in his stomach. A cold wind seemed to be blowing through that hole, making somewhere inside him feel eternally cold. The brief laughter he had shared with Minsu couldn’t fill that hole.

Yoonmin glanced at the group surrounding Haein. The gap in his stomach was calling to something over there. Ahyoon, Yeeun, Jinsol, Soyul, Jian, and Haein… The six of them were the brightest in the class, laughing and enjoying themselves while snacking on gummies..

Huh?

As Yoonmin watched Haein’s friend, he suddenly noticed something strange. One person in the group had a dark expression. It was Jian, Haein’s closest friend. But Jian wasn’t eating any gummies. While the others were chattering away, Jian rarely opened her mouth, only occasionally covering her mouth to pretend to laugh.

Soyul said something and the group burst out laughing. Jian covered her mouth, and then… She made eye contact with Yoonmin. Suddenly, Jian stood up. She said something inaudible to the others and then walked over to Yoonmin.

“Haein told me to give this to you.”

Jian handed Yoonmin a small bag tied with a ribbon.

“Haein made these gummies.”

Yoonmin looked up at Jian in silence. Something about her seemed off. Normally, she would have said, “Haein made these for you! Hurry up and take them! Haein said you have to try them!” But now, she didn’t push him at all. She looked almost miserable. She didn’t even put the bag down on his desk.

“…Do you want to eat it?”

Her tone was odd, too. It felt like she didn’t want him to accept it.

“You don’t want to eat it, right?”

Yoonmin nodded. As if expecting his response, Jian slipped the gummy bag back into her pocket. She muttered something under her breath, but Yoonmin heard it.

“Then I’ll just throw it away.”

Did I hear that right? Yoonmin thought, surprised. Jian’s expression changed as she asked him, “How’s Jiyoo doing these days?”

“Huh? She’s doing fine.”

“You two are hanging out again today?”

Yoonmin nodded. Usually, if there was nothing else after school, he went to Jiyoo’s house.

“Could I… join you guys?”

“Huh?” Now he was sure he heard her wrong.

“I want to hang out with Jiyoo! I really want to squish her round cheeks again… Hasn’t she said she wants to see me?”

She hadn’t. They had watched a movie together a while back, but Jiyoo and Jian hadn’t grown any closer. Even though they exchanged numbers, they were still distant enough that Jian wouldn’t directly ask Jiyoo if she wanted to hang out.

Jiyoo had never said she wanted to see Jian. In fact, she kept asking Yoonmin if he was still hanging out with Jian. Despite that, Yoonmin was curious.

“I can ask Jiyoo, but… aren’t you going to hang out with Haein and the others today?”

Her mouth tightened slightly. “No.”

Just as Yoonmin was about to ask why, Jian quickly turned and walked back to her seat.

***

“Aww, so cute!”

Jian dove at Jiyoo, forcefully reminding Yoonmin once again of a golden retriever. She hugged Jiyoo tightly, their height difference leaving Jiyoo smashed against her chest.

“This is suffocating.” Jiyoo’s voice was muffled.

Although her words were grumpy, she did seem to enjoy the attention in a way. Right now, Jiyoo, Jian, and Yoonmin were at a comic book café near their houses.

When Yoonmin told Jiyoo that Jian wanted to hang out with her, Jiyoo thought about it for a while.

“That tall girl? Hmm… I don’t mind.”

“We’ll just hang out until dinner.”

After looking for a place to go, they ended up deciding on the comic book café. It made sense. Both Yoonmin and Jiyoo were hardcore indoor types who didn’t enjoy physical activities, and this was the only place that came to their minds.

Jian was happy to join but didn’t seem particularly interested in the comics. She held a comic book in her hand but kept clinging to Jiyoo, who was actually trying to read.

“Hey, give me some space. Read your book.”

“Jiyoo… Do you find me annoying?”

“Huh?” Jiyoo looked flustered.

“Am I really annoying and clingy, and you’re only putting up with me because of Yoonmin?” Jian’s face hardened as she spoke, and she looked sullen.

“N—no, not at all…” Jiyoo didn’t seem to be enjoying this taste of her own medicine.

“So, I’m not annoying? Is it okay if I keep holding onto you?”

“Well, all the touching is a bit much…”

Jian’s face scrunched up, looking like she was about to cry.

Jiyoo sighed and relented. “Do what you want.”

“Oh, you’re so sweet, Jiyoo.”

How did Jian know that Jiyoo couldn’t handle being pushed? Jiyoo kept her eyes fixed on the comic book, looking irritated, while Jian held onto her arm and stroked her hair.

But… something felt off to Yoonmin. Jian was always touchy with people she liked, but now it seemed like her attention had shifted from Haein to Jiyoo. Why did she want to hang out with her? What about Haein?

Yoonmin sensed that something had happened between Jian and Haein, but he didn’t acknowledge it. A seemingly endless amount of time passed.

“I—I—Uh, need to go to the bathroom…”

Jiyoo disentangled herself from Jian and headed to the restroom. Only then did Jian turn her attention to the comic book she’d been holding. A brief silence followed.

Jian glanced sideways at Yoonmin. Yoonmin pretended not to notice and continued reading his comic. Jian looked back at her book, then spoke.

“I was wondering…” Her voice was calm, completely different from when she had been fussing over Jiyoo. “Why did you get mad?”

Without taking his eyes off the comic, Yoonmin replied, “When?”

“That time Haein pushed me away.”